Chronically Writing: Gratitude and Ableism

This might be a little angry in tone, everyone.

But seriously...

I think a lot of disabled people can relate to this. Being told to be grateful for what we have and what is available for us to use. Like it's special treatment in allowing others to participate in society. Like it's their fault that special things were put into place. That their set of standards are always the norm and we have to be judged by them.

#ChronicallyWriting here. And today, we are exploring a common theme I have described above: ableism. According to the Oxford Languages (2026), ableism is "discrimination, prejudice, and social oppression against people with physical, intellectual or psychiatric disabilities." It is also "a system of belief that considers typical, able-bodied and neurotypical people as superior, often treating disabled individuals as inferior, broken or needing to be fixed" (Oxford Languages 2026).

You are probably asking yourselves, "What is she talking about?"

Let me explain a little more...

There are several kinds of ableism: systematic/institutional, individual/attitudinal and cultural. The first addresses lack of access for the disabled, like having no appropriate wheelchair ramps or having a building without an elevator. The second looks at a person's attitude towards disabled people and their personal prejudices, such as handling accommodations at schools and workplaces. The last is making overcoming disability a story of inspiration and using language to judge a person's progress, such as treating disabled people like children.

You are probably confused, and I don't blame you. I have yet to connect the two themes and seem to go on an autistic info dump about ableism. I mean, ableism doesn't have anything to do with gratitude, does it? There is no such thing! I am just complaining with my fellow sufferers.

This is where I have to say, you're still wrong.

Gratitude and ableism go hand-in-hand perfectly.

If you go back to the examples of ableism, you will find one about people's attitude towards the disabled and their need for accommodations. I have often heard from others that disabled should be grateful for the special treatment. I have also heard other parents in school meetings and in local Facebook/Nextdoor groups complaining about the amount of money the district spends on special needs children. The former mayor even said it was getting too expensive and schools lost funds because she thought the state should step in!

It shows that we should be grateful that we have such services, for existing.

Would you ask anyone to be grateful for existing?

The meme I posted on social media last week - that's another form of ableism. If you took away Amazon, Doordash, Uber, etc., where does it leave disabled people who cannot get out of the house or get to appointments on their own? Somebody might not be on a public transit route, have no income (maybe waiting for disability to be approved) or no way to get to the store on their own. People who have the privilege and the ability to use alternatives could, but it leaves those already isolated more behind and ashamed.

Sometimes, ableism hits closer to home.

I remember when I was a teen with a car and living with my parents and grandfather. It was the recession in 2006-2010. Most people my age did not always have a car, so when we hung out, I always drove off or we'd met someplace. I hardly brought my friends back to my parents' house because of the chaos going on. There was always something wrong, and I did not want others to be exposed to the toxicity, especially with so many having mental health problems.

Later, because I never talked of my life outside of home, my mother would comment, without evidence, about how lame our friends were and what losers they were, all because they never came over or had a vehicle. For anybody who was disabled, she complained that they'd never reciprocate and to get rid of them. Since I never brought anybody home at that point, it did not affect me as much as a sibling of mine.

To add: my father was disabled because of a construction accident the year before I was born. My mother was honestly burnt out from the caretaking and doing a lot on her own and she built up a lot of resentment. At the time, my grandfather was living with us and, while all of us took turns with the caretaking, it seemed like it was never enough. She saw disability as a waste of time and had the weight of the finances on her shoulders. But it is no excuse for her rude comments.

I think we can all agree that anybody can participate in society in their own way and their own time, on their own abilities.

Remember, it's not the rule to stuff disabled people into their homes and then build things for them without input. Besides, some places need others to do small jobs, and disabled people can fit the bill. One of the items of DEI (yes, that awful and unpatriotic word!) is ensuring that disabled people have the accommodations they need in order to succeed. It could be as simple as headphones, dim lights or a larger space.

You know what disabled people are grateful for? Being seen and heard.

Having a good friend to talk to and one that does not mind doing some major lifting. A supportive spouse (if possible) and gentle times with our children. Days with pain that is tolerable. Being able to enjoy life, especially with loved ones. Not always being told it's in our head, or to lose some weight.

Just being a person, free and happy.

THAT is gratitude, and I am grateful for everything, everyday.

Namaste, everyone! Have a wonderful day!

#Disability #DisabilityRights #DisabledDoesNotMeanUnable #IndieAuthor #Gratitude #Ableism