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#BehindTheScenes 13 - Shy

No joke. I am shy and socially awkward. But who isn't?

A lot of people call it arrogance or being unapproachable. I guess so. I mean, I do not like crowds much and struggle at fairs and other events. I tend to curl in a corner and be left alone. I'd bring a book with me everywhere (still do). But there is also the element of not knowing.

Much like many adults who lived with past trauma, living life is a struggle. There is so much going on inside my head. I do not want people to see it or hear about it. Stiff upper lip, I was taught. It was all just drama anyway. But it makes me afraid too, of what people think of me. Every time someone asks me about what happened in my past, they are stunned and say, "I'm sorry."

What are you sorry for? You did not cause anything. So, I do not want to talk about me. I want to make you special. You tell me about you. I'd rather listen to you. Most people do not have the chance to talk. And you do not need to impress me. You could tell me about knitting or using the best highlighter in your life.

I am a funky person to begin with. I can adapt. But I vibe with LOTS of people. My tribe, my circle of love. The people I am comfortable being myself around, without the professional mask on my face. You all are getting the honest person - the mom, wife, etc. But inside all of that, there was once a girl who said too much and then was squashed by a shadow.

Foamy the Squirrel did the skit about new parents. He complained about how they used to have interests before turning into "pod people" (I am paraphrasing). I still do. Other than reading, out of sight and mind...

Do not knock. Let me get used to you. Let's be patient together...and make as many mistakes as we can.


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