Today was a strange day.
It snowed enough that school was cancelled for Calvin. That is always the tough part. I am a 1 person show (without my husband), so I couldn't call on anyone to help out watching him. Appointments had been cancelled and plans had to change. I had no choice.
I contemplated a day inside and alone. I took the dog out and wanted to get back in ASAP because of the chill and dampness. Calvin was already settled in his playroom and was bouncing to a steady diet of YouTube videos, a bagel with cream cheese and all of his toys. Without the appointments, I should have had a great deal of time for social media posts and writing ahead of me.
It never works that way in this household.
First, I received a meme from a friend of mine. She never means harm or sends things with an intent to make me cry. But this morning, she did. The meme said (and I am paragraphing because my friend deleted the meme), "I am going to honor Charles Dickens this holiday season by going into poverty". She knew we are struggling financially and have had to resort to extremes because we could not afford anything. That hit me hard, especially since she has some privilege and support, and did not understand.
Next, the dog was having problems, throwing up and pooping liquid in the house. Yesterday, he bolted out of the house and I had to call Animal Control to report it (I could not catch him and snacks and toys do not work with him). He came home on his own a few hours later and I told the police everything was ok. However, I was frustrated beyond belief after yesterday's fiasco. I cleaned up the best as I could and I went outside with him and told him it was ok. I still needed to go to the store for baking soda, though. The rugs smelled and the stains did not get out.
Then, there were the bills. At this point, without an income, I've had to keep begging for more time. The bank kept dinging us for fees and, by the time my husband gets paid, it's almost all gone. Today was not an exception. I quickly paid what I could with less than $200 and hoped for the best.
Other small points bothered me. I was behind on the cleaning and the change in weather makes my chronic illnesses act up badly. The cats had no dry food and I had to make due with what I could buy with EBT. Someone I knew from childhood was diagnosed with cancer and I know where it is going (there is no such thing as remission with this cancer). Our car is out of commission again, with the 4th power steering pump shearing off this year...because we cannot afford to fix the return line and it's a job that we cannot do in the driveway. Calvin keeps outgrowing his clothes and I am frantically finding replacements of his favorites, on top of getting everything he wants for Christmas.
There was so much more I could talk about. But none of that was on my mind when I told Calvin that we were taking the bus downtown and heading to the store. I needed a distraction. I decided to fuck it and just go out, even though it was slushy and our shoes and socks were going to be wet. Our usual 1st stop was the Food Bag, now the Atlantis Market. They took EBT, so I told Calvin to pick up some tea for himself. On the way in, that was when I saw her.
It was the colors of the cloth in her hair holding up the braids. They were red, yellow and green, and it reminded me of the colors of Kwanzaa. It was so beautiful that I had to tell her that I loved her hair. She smiled and asked if we wanted some food. It was free. I decided to take the chance.
It was a bounty! KFC chicken, turkey wraps and cookies were more than enough. When she offered my son the opportunity to pick a bouquet of flowers for me, I was touched. I had gone to the Food Bag for liquid and to catch the bus downtown. I did not expect to be given so much.
Calvin was very excited and proud of him. As he should be! I kept thanking him for the flowers and smelling them in front of him on the bus. He was happy, waving his hands and bouncing.
Inside the store, she gave me her business card and told me she'll be at the library on the 14th. I vaguely recalled seeing an ad for it on the library calendar and stored this info for later. At the moment, I was overwhelmed. What she never knew was how grateful I was. I just could not express it.
Sometimes, neurodivergency can make you feel that way. You had no idea what to say past thank you because all of your feelings are wordless and about to burst. I wish she understood that, and how I wished I could hug her...cry on her shoulder...tell her how much of a difference she made.
All because of a kind word and her invitation to come over.
Sometimes, gaining your true self is doing what others do not do. For me, it is making people good about themselves. It does not hurt to give someone a smile and a compliment. Sometimes, surprises come with it, and often at the least opportune moment. That makes having chronic illness a little more bearable.
Namaste! Have a wonderful week!
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