#BehindTheScenes 55 - DEI? Who, Me?

The news fill us with either joy or despair. I fall into the latter category, to be honest. I am not debating DEI because nobody should have to fight for diversity, equity and inclusion. I am going to tell you how it affects me in this #BehindTheScenes edition.

I grew up masking everything, from my heritage to my neurodivergency. It's considered a shame, especially since I grew up in what is now called Little Poland. One side of my family is Polish, and the other was German Jew, Scots Irish and Dutch. I had to pretend to be a lot of things - a good student, a dutiful daughter and a silent witness. My family had gone through a lot of trauma not even two generations ago.

My neurodivergency especially had to be masked! I was enrolled in the local Catholic school K-8. My grandfather went to that church and was paying my tuition. Not to mention, my mother, uncle and aunts attended the same school, and teachers knew them. My sister went before me too, and I had a lot to live up to.

Still sit. Brush your hair. Take a shower. Shut up. Sit up straight. Use your knife. Don't cover your ears. Too much!

It caused me to internalize everything, most of all my emotions. As long as I was quiet and acted ladylike and pleased everyone, I was the perfect child (except for something else out of my control, but that's another story for another day). As time passed, I grew pretty good at not showing my emotions, not even crying, in front of others. I tried to be quiet when I cried late at night.

But all the achievements could not make up for the first of many breakdowns. It happened when I was in college at CCSU. I did not graduate from that school. I slowly began to slide into sickness and lower grades, mostly because I had no money and support to get most of the supplies I needed - not only gas and a vehicle, but books, workbooks and any material a professor asked for.

When I got pregnant, I finished the semester and worked on getting out of my situation. As my husband and I began to live together with Calvin, we realized that we were finally out of our traumatic situations and learning complete independence. With complete trust in him, my body began to stop feeling on edge. When that happened, everything came out all at once, in severe emotional outbursts.

It was the sensations, feelings, sights and silence. There was nobody supervising my every move anymore. I was the parent and I was in charge of a baby. I thought holding it in was the best way to go. I was supposed to act a certain way and teach our son to be a good person.

But then, Calvin began to slow down and was not meeting some development milestones. It took a few years and a lot of extenuating circumstances to get him diagnosed properly and put on an IDP. Today, he is thriving in school. I take him out with me and he is polite and kind to everyone, all the while holding onto his friends (stuffed animals and toys) and stimming.

Without that, Calvin could have been in jail, or an alternative school where his needs won't be met. A menace to society. The weird kid that stays in his parents' basement. Anything that the stereotype demands.

THAT is DEI.

By putting in technology and new methods to teach Calvin, he could learn. Become aware of the neurotypical world. Learn to be himself without apologies. There is no bullying because the kids are closely watched and not integrated with the general population of the school.

So, how does it apply to me?

Well, my neurodivergency makes me more aware of how I react to people. Most of the time, I am freezing up in public and trying to make conversation when someone talks to me. I like listening to people better. When I can't stand the noise, I put my headphones on.

There are also lights. If they bother me, I can ask them to be dimmed (granted, I mostly wear sunglasses anyway). I have migraines too. Wouldn't you like darkness and quiet when you have a nasty headache?

Sometimes, I cannot walk. Under DEI, I can have access to handicapped ramps and other obvious public aids like automated doors. I have used my cane quite a number of times. Have any of you used a shower chair or have helped someone sitting in one? That's part of DEI.

The family bathrooms. Changing tables in the men's bathrooms. Nursing rooms at workplaces. Service and therapy dogs. Elevators. All of that is DEI.

So, no, it's about "hiring the black man over the white man". It's about making sure qualified people are hired and that their needs are met. It's about ensuring that they can participate in life the same way as everyone else, no matter what it takes to make it happen. It's about you and me, who might need something that isn't available one day. It might be your parents, children, spouse, cousin, friends...and countless more as well.

Life isn't just about you. It's about the world we live in. We have to preserve it as much as we can, and always remember that there is always another way. It's only a matter of finding it.

Namaste, everyone! Have a great day!

#DEI #YouAndMe #CouldBeYou #Disability #BlackLivesMatter #TransLivesMatter #Community #Homeless #SocialServices