#BehindTheScenes 20 - The Holidays

This is going to be the only #BehindTheScenes for the month. I will continue doing some videos, updates on the events and the oddball things. This episode will explain why...

So, to be honest, I never liked the holidays.

It is long, overwhelming and unhappy. I never like doing anything because I am focused on my son. I've had some very bad years too. My extended family tried to make the days loving and bright. But there was only so much that could be done.

As I got older, I ignored it and ran to a friend's house. After Calvin was born, I had to turn my head around. I HAD to make it happy for my son. While it took some years before he could appreciate the holidays, I tried to always have a smile on my face, no matter what. Brian and I always planned special traditions and that made it better for me. I can forget the past with the smile on my son's face.

But seeing the same people who caused you harm does not make it better. Sometimes, it is unavoidable because family gathers where the glue stays. Triggers happen. Tears fall. And then, there is an argument with your other half while your kid bounces in the back seat...

This year, we decided to take it easy and do as little as possible. While we will still see family, we are drawing many boundaries. Hopefully, it will be more peaceful than previous years. I wish that the patterns we are used to vanish. When you survive trauma, you sometimes envy those with normal families

But then, I am reminded of the most important thing in my life: MY FAMILY. Because we are trying to be normal and loving. Because we are trying to shake off the heavy cloak of dysfunction. Depression is heavy. You cannot always let it go, but you can look at things differently.

Be kind. Be patient. You don't know what people are going through. Sometimes, all that is needed is one gesture...and you can make or break a day.

In case I do not return to the blog until the New Year...stay safe, everyone. Enjoy your holidays! Comment about your traditions.

#HappyHolidays #NotWonderful #Depression #YesVirginiaThereIsASantaClaus #SpecialNeedsMom