Yeah, I knew that I had to explore this somehow. Neurodivergence is a growing field, and there is so much to the diagnoses that I've received. It affects my writing in some ways too. Let me explain a little bit.
I am not going through the trauma and the genetics behind autism. In my family, nobody really paid much attention until Calvin was born. He was late with some of his developments, although he was an intelligent child. After a run-in with an abusive babysitter and switching things over, Calvin was different. Another story for another day.
It was difficult to get a diagnosis, but once we did, life was easier for Calvin. After that, Brian and I were on the lookout for info of any kind. Parenting advice. Other special needs parents. It was an extremely long and lonely pathway, and it still is. But a couple of years ago, something caught my attention.
AUTISM IS GENETIC.
It stopped me. Slapped me in the face. Got my fingers to type in a new search item: adults with autism.
Everything came back to me all at once and life began to slowly make sense.
I am the one with autism, and I am high functioning!!
I mean, I was never good in social situations. Some of my report cards in K-8 talk about me being mean to fellow classmates (usually provoked behavior, and nobody saw the instigation). I hardly had friends. I was mostly silent when family came over or I had to talk on the phone, or acted weirdly or childishly. Even from an early age, I knew something was wrong.
And then I remember something my father said. My mother used to wave her hands like my son does. When he commented on how cute it was, she never did it again. She was utterly mortified and ashamed of the behavior.
I am lucky that I have a therapist who understood me and trusted me. Earlier this year, she sent a referral after she listened to my reasoning for wanting the test. Then, I was checked out by a behavior specialist and I received the results a few weeks ago. Because nobody could verify info from before the age of fourteen, I was just Neurodivergent, which was a relief. Next, it's how to cope and going back to the quirky person that I am.
My soul is young, and there is so much more to learn.
Namaste!
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